and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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