Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
