You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
