gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
