Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
