STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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