Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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