Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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