I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
