I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
