Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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