I feel great
I just peed on a car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
