NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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