My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
