Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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