We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
