mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
