Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
