I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
