Will you blow on my dice?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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