you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
