I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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