I want to stick my p in your. b.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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