You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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