Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
