It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
