the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
