I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
