Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Farmville is her only friend.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
