he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
