My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
