There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
