Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
