Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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