Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
