just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
