He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I believe in your delicious
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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