just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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