Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
