Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
