i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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