I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
