just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
