moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I looked at my own cervix.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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