you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
