You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
