Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
