The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
