Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
