we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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